Robots – Oh Fuck!

Mighty fucked, broken beyond “some” barriers, seen worse, seen better,seen more. All I can work out is that some people in this world are not destined unless chosen. Am I wrong?

S.x

Its been a crap day all in all and its not even over yet. Again I haven’t slept and am waiting on people waking up so I can go and get some hash which I have left at a friends house, smoke that then hopefully sleep. I dont understand my sleep problem at all. Sometimes I’ll be shattered and actually falling asleep during the day when Ive had enough sleep whilst when I haven’t slept, my brain goes into overdrive and forces me to be active. This morning I have walked from the east to the west end of Newcastle after last nights drink/smoke session, had breakfast in a morning cafe which was nice and greasy, showered and wrote a letter to canada. I am yet to go back out. How come I’m not tired anymore? What drives me at these times? Where will I end up tonight? Do I care? Does anyone care? Aw fuck it.
Friday is going to mad whatever I do. More birthday drinks then free party or just one of??? Hmmm, dunno. we’ll see what time the party starts shall we, I can probably get a few drinks in town first then filter off to psy-land where I belong with the acid pixies and pill owls, gurn trolls and dancing cats, fire kings and mad twats. I shall arrive with a smile, a gallon of paraffin and a pocket full of drugs, poised, ready.

S.x

Too tired to sleep
Too tired to think
Too tired to eat
Too tired to fucking blink
what the fuck

Too tired for anyhting but Im getting out of this fucking house NOW.

Aaaarrrgghhhhhh, I scare myself.

S.x

**1st edit**

(06:32 Jan 14th)
It’s starting to get light and I haven’t slept, again. Been going to sleep at about 8/9am recently and it’s not good for my health just sitting around eating chocolate, watching films and drinking tea, although it sounds really relaxing indeed I just cant keep at it. I need to start fixing my sleeping pattern if I’m to go out into the world again, find a reason to be and maybes work. We’ll see. For now I’m happy with my chocolate because I’m a fat git. Well, not really. I’m weighing in at 9 stone 10 lbs at the moment. Not what I call healthy but I’m still able, strong and silly. All the things a hippy needs to get by in this world, oh and weed but I’m all out.

**2nd edit**

(12:34 Jan 14th)
I’ve been awake for about 20 hours now, still not feeling tired. Whats wrong??? Not drunk or high in any way, bummer. Meant to be out for my friends birthday drinks tonight but I reckon I’ll fall asleep in a few more hours so that ideas tossed out the window. More tea.

**3rd edit**

(19:06 Jan 14th)
I’ve overcome the feeling of tired many times today, now I’m looking at my zebra print blanket and its moving, like I’m on mushrooms or the likes. Its fun, nice and pretty but for some bizarre reason my stomach is gurgling rapidly, like I’m on mushrooms or the likes. Hell, if I tell my self I’m on mushrooms anymore I’ll start to believe myself. Lets see how far i get.

**4th edit**

(08:38 Jan 16th)
I finally fell asleep at about 06:00 Jan 15th after many fims and cups of tea, cigarettes and peanuts. Writing here inbetween. That’ll make it about 38 hours or so. I wasn’t feeling tired but when I put my head down I slept. I slept for 13 hours flat out. Now I’m sitting here, early in the morning repeating the proccess. Is it healthy to be doing this to myself? Well, its healthy not to do it with drugs I know that, some hash would be lovely though. We’ll see how all this goes and maybes, just maybes I’ll form a new hybrid of sleeping patterns all for myself. We’ll have to wait and see.

**5th edit**

(09:48 Jan 16th)
I’ve taken 2 Amitriptyline just now. Fuck the hybrid sleeping pattern (not a bad idea though). I want to sleep and I want it to be good. They’ll probably take about an hour to take full effect so I think I’ll watch some Tom and Jerry til they do. Good night/morning.

S.x